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GL
SRSLY
Ambien Hour
Logic wanders off.
Entropy tucks you in.
Dumb jokes.
Not dream logic—pharmaceutical faith.
Domesticated Surrealism
Sir Burnt Tongue of the Microwave Order
By garlic and honor, I dub thee Snack.
Trash Day, Best Day
He rides at dawn.
Too Much Tuesday
Spicy. Fragile. Healing.
He’s Not Licensed
But you’re still gonna tell him everything.
Sleepless Champion
“Couldn’t have done it without my anxiety."
Arches, Heavy Heart
He’s not just holding the bag—he is the bag. Finished the fries, still empty inside. A beige tragedy with ketchup breath.
Midnight Puff, Existential Fluff
She’s seen too much. She’s read the DSM-5. And she’s still choosing mango ice.
Downward Spiral, Across 7 Letters
He’s constipated, combative, and on clue 42. Every square is a cry for help.
Indecision 2025
Bit both to compare, forgot which was first. Now trapped in a flaky loop of his own design.
Unwrapped and Unwell
She took one pill. The wrappers appeared. Her jeans don’t fit.
Introduce Me as Hamster
He put on the makeup. He rehearsed the monologue. Now he sits in his shredded paper throne, waiting to be seen.
Winner’s Curse
Gold Medal, Zero Dignity.
Amped and Aimless
All energy, no direction, zero chill.
Errand Day
Don’t ask who’s in the bags.
Ranch Revelation
Dipped once. Anointed forever.
Holy Hell
Captcha Jesus
Trained to forgive sin—but not to identify low-res bicycles—he stands eternally one click away from salvation.
Divine Audit
He’s been laundering miracles for years. Best Buy ran the card. That was enough.
Catastrophic Savior
All systems ran out of grace.
This Could’ve Been an Email
Productivity in Eternal Damnation
The Last Supper, Sponsored
Repost this in rememberance of me.
DMV Purgatory
Mary’s chain-smokin’. Judas brought crypto. Heaven help us.
Body of Christ
Breath of Blue Razz
Rat Redemption
Is He saving him? Kidnapping him? Whispering the secrets of the universe before delivering him unto the Cheesecake Factory? No one knows.
The Peggle Messiah Rides Again
Jesus. Remy. A unicorn from Peggle. They ride into the apocalypse at sunset with nothing but hope and felony charges.
God Complex Quarterly
Monthly deity check-in. Vishnu still hasn’t filled out the Doodle poll.
Crucified for Serving Too Hard
He died for your sins but also for your lack of contour.
Died of Dysentery So You Didn’t Have To
This is my body. It’s not sitting right.
The Last Brunch
Everyone looks like they’re about to ask if the bread is gluten-free. Jesus brought heart-shaped toast and vibes. The croissant is his body. The mimosa is his blood.
Mind Glitches
Pigeonholed by Shame
Round and round we go.
Off Menu
Caught a vibe and a felony next to the McFlurry machine.
Mandatory Training
An HR violation with legs. If vibes were a fireable offense—he’d be gone yesterday.
Macroeconomic Abyss
Who does, fish. Who does?
I 💛 Garlic Bread
The bread’s still warm. The lick still fresh. The gar still watching.
Monday
Tongue out. Soul gone.
Blessed AF
Gratitude in her heart. Gravy on everything else.
Sturgeon General’s Warning
He wrote the warning. He just didn’t think it applied to him.
Shramp
Shramp's World
Red Lobster’s most wanted — reward in cheddar bay biscuits.
The Old Shramp and the Sea
A tale of courage, grit, and... questionable food chain dynamics.
Shramp Rides a Pale Horse
And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Shramp, and Hell followed with him.
Shramp the Terrilbe and His Son Shramp
He realizes too late that vengeance is a dish best not microwaved.
Creation of Shramp
God gives shrimp consciousness and instantly regrets it.
Hushpuppy of My Undoing
Literally me pushing a hush puppy towards stability
Who Are Shramp?
One bite makes you bigger, one bite makes you shrimp.
Shramp Road
OTW to the Red Lobster
Wish You Was Shramp
Getting burned. Hope somebody brought cocktail sauce.
Micheal Shrampson
It don’t matter if you’re shrimp or prawn
Shampzer
The Blue Album but everyone’s allergic.
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