Monday

Tongue out. Soul gone.

Macroeconomic Abyss

Who does, fish. Who does?

I Heart Garlic Bread

The bread’s still warm. The lick still fresh. The gar still watching.

Sturgeon General’s Warning

He wrote the warning. He just didn’t think it applied to him.

Authority Shramp

Two weeks on the job and already power-tripping over Cinnabon loiterers.

Deals on Wheels

One careful owner, 47 suspicious gaps in the Carfax, and a smile that says “no refunds.”

Served Cold

Hairnet on, hope off. today’s special is mashed despair with a side of peas.

Ranger Shramp

fuck this

Shrampfall

hell but with shrimp

Shramp Devouring His Son

Too Much Tuesday

Spicy. Fragile. Healing.

Introduce Me as Hamster

He put on the makeup. He rehearsed the monologue. Now he sits in his shredded paper throne, waiting to be seen.

Sir Burnt Tongue of the Microwave Order

By garlic and honor, I dub thee Snack.

Trash Day, Best Day

He rides at dawn.

Winner’s Curse

Gold Medal, Zero Dignity.

Errand Day

Don’t ask who’s in the bags.

Survivor’s Guilt

He doesn't want to talk about it.

Unwrapped and Unwell

She took one pill. The wrappers appeared. Her jeans don’t fit. No one talks about it.

Space Loaf

Mission: Crumbwalk.

This Is How It Ends

The milk is cold. The void is colder.

Ranch Revelation

King Bestest Boy

Long may he nap.

Shrimp or Treat

Tiny. Haunted. Ready to absolutely lose it for a Snickers.

He’s Not Licensed

But you’re still gonna tell him everything.

Wizard of Whimsy

Goodnight Meth

Goodnight stars. Goodnight spoon. Goodnight drugs in mommy’s room.

Downward Spiral, Across 7 Letters

He’s constipated, combative, and on clue 42. Every square is a cry for help.

Yessica’s Shrine to Melted Dignity

Yessica stands vigil, her plastic smile never aging, never melting, just like her will to live. Based on my now deceased dashboard hula dancer. RIP

Midnight Puff, Existential Fluff

She’s seen too much. She’s read the DSM-5. And she’s still choosing mango ice.

Arches, Heavy Heart

He’s not just holding the bag, he is the bag. Finished the fries, still empty inside. A beige tragedy with ketchup breath.

World's Worse Sleeper

Couldn't have done it without my anxiety

Indecision 2024

Bit both to compare, forgot which was first. Now trapped in a flaky loop of his own design.

Amped and Aimless

All energy, no direction, zero chill.

The Old Shramp and the Sea

One shrimp. One fish. One quiet rage against fate.

Do You Accept Bitcoin

Hold Me

I can't

Who Are You

One bite makes you bigger, one bite makes you shrimp.

Yellow Brick Detour

They’re confused, lost, and kind of fabulous. Adventure’s a hell of a drug.

Shampzer

The Blue Album but everyone’s allergic.

wish you was shramp

Getting burned. Hope somebody brought cocktail sauce.

Shramp Road

Lads on a walk to nowhere.

Shramp Rides a Pale Horse

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Shramp, and Hell followed with him.

Hushpuppy of My Undoing

literally me pushing a hush puppy towards stability

Creation of Shramp

God gives shrimp consciousness and instantly regrets it.

Shramp the Terrilbe and His Son Shramp

He realizes too late that vengeance is a dish best not microwaved.

Shramp's World

fucked up story bro look it up

Pigeonholed by Shame

It starts with a slip and spirals fast, guilt nests into shame, and shame hatches destruction. Round and round we go.

And I'll Go With You

My tears are becoming a sea, and still, we go forward.

sdmntprwestcentralus

fuckin me in 8 years

Shrimp and Let Die

bout to catch an aggravated asSALT with a deadly weapon

Bummed Again

Didn’t bring a smoke. Didn’t bring a lighter. Brought memories he never should’ve shared.

High Society, Low Tide

I'd eat him

DMV

Number 938 will never be called.

The Water is Rising, Pleas

Like the lord duh

Abandoned in Her Own Body

me irl

Catastrophic Savior

no one can save ya know

Precedent & Anxiety

Somewhere between Habeas Corpus and a fifth rewatch of Legally Blonde, he claws at one last chance. The law is cold. The shrimp is sweating.

Final Notice

The chandelier doesn't help.

God Complex Quarterly

Monthly deity check-in. Vishnu still hasn’t filled out the Doodle poll.

Rat Redemption

Is He saving him? Kidnapping him? Whispering the secrets of the universe before delivering him unto the Cheesecake Factory? No one knows.

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The Last Supper, Sponsored

The Peggle Messiah Rides Again

Jesus. Remy. A unicorn from Peggle. They ride into the apocalypse at sunset with nothing but hope and felony charges.

Captcha Jesus

I stand at the door and tapeth

This Could’ve Been an Email

Productivity in Eternal Damnation

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Divine Audit

He’s been laundering miracles for years. Best Buy ran the card. That was enough.

DMV Purgatory

Mary’s chain-smokin’. Judas brought crypto. Heaven help us.

The Last Brunch

blessed be the twinks

Crucified for Serving Too Hard

He died for your sins but also for your lack of contour.

The Last Brunch

Everyone looks like they’re about to ask if the bread is gluten-free. Jesus brought heart-shaped toast and vibes. The croissant is his body. The mimosa is his blood.

Body of Christ, Breath of Blue Razz

Take this, all of you, and rip a fat cloud from it.